Yep, I just got my result. Quite disappointed because I expected better. Scraped a few As but what's done is done. I didn't fail any subject so that's ok. I hope I get accepted to at least one of the Universities/ colleges I applied at. A total of eight actually. The phone rang all day. That would be nosy relatives and friends calling to ask how I did. Of course, I did not answer any of the calls. I was busy filling in the apps. I should've done it sooner but I'm a big procrastinator. For people who knows me and in the same country as I am (Malaysia), do not ask how I did because I'm sick of telling people how I did. Just know that I did OK.

Exception to Fox though he's not from Malaysia but I promised him I'd tell him last night. Fox is getting married to Stepherzz on Monday. I hope it isn't too late at night (time difference) because I wanna attend. Hehe, I love marriages at fu.CK. I got married Josh and March 1st would be our two months anniversary. I've been hanging out at fu.CK chatroom a lot lately and made some new friends. Hehe. Oh, I promised Scott I'd plug his site so there. He's back from a short hiatus with a new layout and hosting is open there. Go visit him, people! And I wanna plug Rob for finally opening his new domain. He's back from shooting the sheriff :lol:.

Lol, new layout. I'm bored with big layouts so I made a small simple looking one. Made entirely in PS7. I'm getting the hang of it now. Using PS7 I mean. Hehe. The navigation is the little boxes on the left. I also installed a FAQ script downloaded from Jess's site. She has a total of 14 cool PHP scripts and are currently working on her tutorials. Go give her some love because she's my woman lover and don't be shy to ask me questions. Click on the second boz from below . The reading girl image was taken from . I used the picture because it somehow reflects me, in a way. I'm a bookworm. LOL. I've just downloaded YIM. Add me if you want: luvmecozimfarah. Just want ya'll to know that P-N.org is hosting. The layout is a bit crappy and I haven't done the hosting form yet but if you want to be hosted by me, just holla. I need at least two examples :). Well, I gotta go finish filling up the rest of the apps.

Do i think to be a slave, the girl must have a perfect body and be beautiful in a physical sense? No, i do not. Even in the reading of the books, it states a girls beauty increases when she finds herself slave and begins to feel it. I feel that looks should not be all that important in a slave, because we can all change how we look, but it would be hard to make someone who is not a slave feel like they are a slave, to give them the heart or belly that they dont have. The true beauty of a slave, in my mind, rests within how the girl serves her Master, the true and driving need to please Him. Most of society doesnt look like a playboy model, and it would be illogical to expect all slaves to appear so. I am the first to admit, my body is not perfect, nor is my face, but my heart, truly is that of a slave. Should i be judged more on my looks than on the true desires within myself? I should hope not.

I dont think i hold all the answers and i know i still have much to learn. I have been owned a few times before and it would be easy for me to try and place the blame entirely upon my ex Masters, but the truth of the matter is, i was not what they were seeking and needing in a slave, just as they were not what i was seeking or needing in my Master. I cant say exactly what it is that i am searching for in my Master, its something that i think i may only know when im within His collar. I hold no ill will or regrets about my past relationships, each in its own way taught me a lesson and brought me to the awarness that i know hold.

Some may think a slave having needs and looking for a Master who can fill those needs is wrong. But the needs that i am talking about are emotional, mental, and to an extent phsycail. If a slave is not truly happy within her collar, how can she be expected to perform to the highest caliber possible for her? True happiness radiates from within and will show without her having to say or do anything. I need my Master to take the control from me, to be there if He is needed when i become lost and confussed and to help me find the answers to the questions i hold. He needs to be able to challange me to be a better slave, to bring out within me the best slave that i can be. Is this wrong of me? i hope not, a Master that i speak with at great length, has given me a bit of His wisdom to view, the leash must tug both ways, as the slave fullfills her Master's desires and needs, so should He do the same for the slave.

The Master and the slave, are like the yin and the yang, neither fully complete without the other. 

I have just been sorting through aload of old old emails (from 2002), they were on the comp downstairs and ever since I got my comp I have been meaning to tranfer them upstairs, so I had to create new folders (on Outlook) for Hostees, Purchases, Sc.net, Digital-D, Read Emails, Fanlistings and of course Inbox. You would think from only having one email address (which is linked to my websites) that it was would be less than that but it isn’t and believe me I cut it loads down before I zipped it up. So it is all now sorted which makes me very happy I can now see all the emails one hostee has sent me and all the emails I have recieved from past hostees (gone are the days when I use to email my hostees with an update once a week) but I also have my other email addy at gmail.com (which rocks btw) for more serious emails (like work and applying for jobs it would look funny if it came from an email addy which the words webmistress in it huh?)

So is the address book which I want to add some email addy’s to which are friends online and loads of people of line which I should do so I don’t get lost in my email box also I had aload of favourites on the comp downstairs but they are now all on this computer but then it reminds me I really should get ontop of the contact forms from SC.net as there is now about 30 (opps).

Haven’t done much today applied for two jobs and sorted out my pay roll on my temp jobs which I start next week (it’s only part time at a docs as a PA) Did I tell you guys that I have a job interview on the 6th Oct, I am so excited you never know this could be the one

Back to the geek-ness, not to mention SC.net which takes up all my free time as it is such a big site (been going about 5 years now if my memory serves me correctly) I have to update the season 8, galleries (got about 200 pictures to put up really should get on to my Gallerier who sorts out the gallery for me) and of course the emails. Rhi’s comp is down again so I’m gonna have to sort it out.

I have Nelly the Elephant on my computer I am starting to think maybe I should change my password as it looks like Tom is downloading his werido songs on my machine! Bastard!

Other things today I am such a geek I managed to play Sims2 for over 4 hours but so far it is going good, I wanted to see how long I could get the Goth family line with it tieing into everyone in my neighood, my new gene is Alexandra Goth who is going to marry my new girlie Ann-Marie E'lephant, her lifetime am is to reach her golden anny and his is to have 3 children go to college, E'lephant muther wants to have 6 grandchildren so it looks like I am going to have 6 more little Goths soon once my Alexandra and his soon-to-be wife finsih college (which is taking forever btw!). I LOVE big family trees 

Gotta dash, I have managed to break my phone charger (this is my 6th or 7th phone charger) so I have ordered another and I don’t know when it will get here so I am without a phone

I don’t understand why my life has to be on hold until I have a full time job I am so sick to death of temp work (even then there isn’t alot of it since as I have trained as a legal sec you think there would be work but no they now want people who have Law Degrees! So what was the bloody point of last year!!!) and no one seems to give me a chance to any admin role work, its getting me down, so down that I sem to cry at the momnet, alot of crying going on and hiding in my room.

See I can’t even go out because I have just a limited ammount of money that I can’t afford it, when I was in tunbridge wells it was a choice between the train ticket and lunch. The temp work in T Wells has ended, the guy goes to me today well as I’m not here Thursday and Friday there is no point you coming in that 200 pounds I am missing now That 140 pounds I gave to my muther today was the last two days work money as I o her about 300 pounds.

So now I have tomorrow with the interview at a sol in Eastborune, I bet ya once they meet me they won’t want me either, then I have Thursday and Friday what am I going to do for two days and I know what your thinking why doesn’t she enjoy herself well I would do but the fact that I am not working is holding over my head!

I keep applying and applying for jobs and sending letters to companies but no one wants me, all I seem to get is rejection letters, no one wants to even see me for an interview.

This is pissing me off to no end.

Once I have a job, I can pay the bills, pay my mutehr back, got the loan, pay for driving lessons, go out, be able to get out of the house, make new friends, poss of romance and many many more.... I sound like a bad ad, but that’s what I am hoping a job will bring me.

Oh hun, on other news I got a different dress to the one in the picture, it is blue and it is holter neck with beads. Good for the ball on Saturday.

Back to the sol tomorrow so am not looking forward to it, if this guy (my temp boss, partner of this sol) goes on about my spelling, grammar, layout, speed, why I audio dicatape and everything else he can pick on me about, I feel like just telling him to off and his stupid temp job! But I need the money so badly I won’t say a word, what a bully he is. (FYI. I am dylexisa so that is the reason behind the slowness, spelling and grammar).

Not much has really happened this weekend, my stepdad has been away so its just been my muther and my brothers, she decided on Sat she wanted to re do the cupboards and put stuff up the loft so me and Tom were moving things up and down to the loft to where Tom says he could see a red graff (ha ha!) but the good thing is now the hall is cleared, all the videos are up the loft and my cupboard is clear hurrah!! But I did find out I have about 30 pairs of shoes! But they are all in thier boxes now all safe.

Today got up, watched Hollyoaks (Poor Dannii!! Was drugged raped coudln’t believe it and that guy made Dannii feel like it was her fault, wanker!). My car came today but I am not allow to drive it until I pass my test until then my muther is going to have it and pay for my driving lessons which is a good thing, that reminds me I saw my driving teacher on the way home from seeing Bethan (Rhi’s younger sis) sing at this show we went to in the afternoon (which was wicky good fun, me, Rhi and Emily went and the just went to blockbusters to see Rhi’s old workmates) and Rhi said to me why is she making you drive in a jeep, it’s gotta be bad for me, I totally agree so I am looking for a new teacher anyway so it gives me another good reason. Came home to find Russell (my stepdad) was taken to hosiptal because he is so ill and stressed (I think it is his work which is making him ill) that his body had given up beecause he wasn’t giving it enough time to get better, but Russell is going to quit his london job soon and become a plumber. But he is back home now thank god. 

Another uneventful night infront of the telly watching season 5 of Angel, which of course I’m getting obessed with Angel every day, what is it with Angel and me? Even Spike is back and he’s a ghost but he is so funny! Fred and Spike? Maybe? Oh my god strange couples are my calling!

I have decided I either need to get a boyfriend and then laid or go out and party with the ladies and then get drunk.... Mmm the choices.... I think I would like the first one since I have been single for 2 months, yes I know not very long.
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It is day three at the solicitors from hell (I’ve decided to call alot of things from hell recently) but the guy I am working for it is a total pain in the arse and everthing I do isn’t good enough, so I spent the afternoon yesterday trying the best way to tell him to piss off without losing my money that they need to pay me, taking about pay NHS are paying me double tomorrow since they haven’t paid me for two weeks. So am telling the solicitors I will only work till next Wednesday morning (got an interview in the afternoon at another solicitors in eastborune) and then I think I will go to my dads till Friday and then next saturday am going to the ball with Rhi.

Yates barman (the one who gave me his number last saturday) asked me out for a drink tomorrow night with him, well he said he was out and if I wanted to come so I don’t know if that means him and his mates cause if it does I’ll have to get the girls out with me. Probably won’t go as I have to be up at Tunbridge Wells in the early hours of the morning.

Still listening to the book 6 of Harry Potter on the way to work, got two more rejection letters today they are so depressing, I don’t understand last year I had over 5 interviews and got the job at Sains and this year nout! Well I’ll be in a long term temp position soon at Dr Raj which is alright as she is a really nice lady and you never know I might end up working thier perm. But it seems such a waste of a year when I haven’t even got a job out of this legal sec course I did. Reminds me to call all my job angecies (last look I was on 11 books!)

I’m changing drivering teachers I’m not learning anything so it is a waste of money plus my muther said as she is stealing my car and won’t let me on the insurance till I pass (by then the car will be in my name and my own insurance) she’ll pay for a lesson a week and I can pay for the other lesson a week so I can have two lessons a week for 6 months and then pass my god damn test! Had to mention I haven’t even done my theory yet, urgh! So bloody behind.

I was telling my brother that I couldn’t remember what the hell this Yates barmans name was (and I still can’t) so he is sugessting I yell out random names, one of them included Agnes (ever since he watched the Billy Connelly ep with that bit in it about the lions, hes been obessed with the name) I was like uh huh, he goes to me it make get you going, I was like right because that name would so turn me! He goes you never know, well that’s the mind of a 15 year old boy for you uh?

My hair is total 60s hair tonight, I washed it and didn’t comb it so now it is all curly and fluffy, had to show you plus I have been eating this kind of bird food today which is seed in a packet and it’s suppose to do me do but it has made me feel really ill.

I have managed to drink a load of coke in the last couple of days like a lot of cans (rough est 10!) do you know how many weight watchers points I have wasted on Coke! It has replaced food lately. Ooooh maybe it could be a new type of diet?

I’m totally gagging to go out and have a serious party down session, so I have decided to go out Saturday night with the ladies down the pier and go to the ball in a couple fo weeks with Rhi.

Good news I now have two interviews on Friday I’m not sure how it happened but it is good one for a sol down in Hastings (might be full time work they just wanna meet me, I should be charming, shouldn’t I?) and an other for two weeks temp work in Tunbridge Wells. All good. I am now member of 10 job angecies have they put any work forward, no! What’s the point of these job angecies none of them seem to get you any work, I call and nag each one every other day as according to my stepdad (who is recuriment agent at a job angecies in London) he says I have to keep reminding them, I am, I dread to think what the phone bill at this NHS job is like, ha ha!

Didn’t do much today got to work, finsihed the filling which was 5 boxes and now all I have to do is the pile of sherdding and the room is sorted for the next person. I’m typing up all the templates for whoever is next to help them out. Went home at 3pm it was so hot 30 degrees which is hot for the south, sunbathing in the garden without a top on (dont' like tan marks) to only realised that next door where looking at me, oh hum.

I’m waiting for my stepdad to get home so we can have tea, my muther is making chicken and bacon salad, yum!